Remembering December 6

The date December 6 initially does not trigger anything for me, but as soon as someone says, Polytechnique, I am back at a small town Nova Scotia university.   Busy studying for exams and looking forward to going home for Christmas break;  when the shattering news came that people were shot at a Canadian university.

Living in residence, an all female dorm, we migrated to the lounge to hear more.  In the days when mass shootings were a rarity the news was heard to believe.  As details trickled in that all the victims were female and they were targeted because they were female.  Innocence was lost. University was supposed to be a safe place and even though we were over a 1,000 km away from Montreal we also felt violated.

Little was said,  what could be said,  as we sat numb by the news.  Oh many of us had already been targeted because we were female.  The nasty comment from a man when you rejected them,  various forms of sexual violence,  all the things we were told, as females, to keep quiet about, or taught it was normal. But this, the shooting at Polytechnique was beyond comprehension.

The next night, at the dining hall Christmas Dinner, a moment of silence to acknowledge what happened.  A nervous laughter filtered through the room.  I think, as females, we really wanted to scream or cry, but since you were not allowed to show your real emotions,  nervous laughter escaped to cover up the other emotions.

I wish I could say 30 years later, that the world was a better place for females.  That there was true equality.  Yes, there has been progress,  though it does feel that there has been some regression the last few years.

I have been fortunate,  I have not faced any overt sexual discrimination, but there has been subtle signs.  Just there in the background, the "old boys club" at work.  A male boss who really had no clue how to manage a group of high performing females, who ignored us, unless something went wrong and then you could felt the knife in your back.

My hope, as I reflect back 30 years ago, which sometimes just seems like yesterday, is that my 5 year old great-niece with her big bright personality never has that brightness diminished just because she is female.